Of all the fish, in all the sea, you had to be the one to swim into mine.

I never realized how many cliches there are associated with a breakup. I've come to learn just how many there are over the past week.

I don't understand why there is such a profound need of people to make sad people feel less sad. And it's not even that. It's a profound need to feel like they're doing something to make people feel less sad. I have been remarkably self-centered today, even for me. All that I can think about is how sad I am. How much I miss him. How much I want him to be there tomorrow. But he won't be.


I get that this too shall pass. I get that better things are coming my way. I get that good things and bad things happen in life. I'm 27, not 4. The thing that people gloss over, or seem to miss completely and utterly...cruise on past like it's a scary doll shop next to the highway is that I have lost my person. My person who was supposed to be with me through the good things and the bad things, and through the scary doll shop.

Not only have I lost my person, but I think maybe I was never his person back. Or at least, he never knew I was trying to be his person. He never got that I was excited for the K.C. and tried to help anyway I could. Why else would I have cleaned bar toilets at three in the morning in suede steve madden heels, for heaven's sake? Love.

I have lost my person. I have lost my partner. I have lost my best friend. I have lost one third of the family I tried to make for myself. I have lost my person to take care of, to cook for, to hold, to cherish, to nurse, to love. I have lost him.

Please let me grieve him before I go fishing.